


Hold

by DreamingKate



Category: Glee
Genre: M/M, Self Harm
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-07-04
Updated: 2014-07-04
Packaged: 2018-02-07 11:15:06
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 675
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1896939
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/DreamingKate/pseuds/DreamingKate
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Blaine holds his breath</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Prompt by anonymous: Paraphrased BPotD: “What am I supposed to do? Just…hold my breath?” Blaine doesn’t cheat, but he does start holding his breath. Every ignored call, every missed Skype date, he holds his breath or tries to breathe less until Kurt talks to him next.

His lungs burned. 

 

Blaine could feel his lungs, his very cells, straining for oxygen but refused to respond. His cell phone sat in front of him, stubbornly remaining black. Finally, it lit up with an incoming text and Blaine gulped in a deep breath. 

 

_Kurt: So sorry I forgot the Skype date! I’m crazy busy for the next few days but maybe this weekend? I’ll let you know. XOXOXO_

 

His breath turned a little shaky and he closed his eyes tightly. He felt a little dizzy and took in deep breaths. He missed the feeling of being kissed breathless. He missed the feeling of Kurt taking his breath away.

 

Blaine wasn’t really sure when he got in the habit. He began to hold his breath between a missed call and the apologetic response. He held his breath as the dial tone was cut short. He held his breath when Kurt send a text instead of calling. 

 

It was not the best coping strategy. 

 

But…even if he couldn’t control if Kurt called back, he could control something. Blaine had started feeling so numb that the burn in his lungs was welcome. 

 

It made him feel alive.

 

Like Kurt used to. 

 

So maybe he held his breath until spots appeared in front of his eyes. Maybe he held his breath until tears ran down his cheeks from the pain. Maybe he passed out once or twice. 

 

But it wasn’t like he was cutting himself or drinking. 

 

It couldn’t be that bad. 


	2. Hypoxia

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Prompt by Anonymous: Please please please right a sequel to Hold of Blaine holding his breath in public or at glee practice or something when he is upset and ends up passing out.

It became a habit.

 

Blaine was almost always dizzy from holding his breath so often. His phone would vibrate but instead of Kurt, he would find that this Eli person was writing him. Thinking only of Kurt, he would type back a short reply and hold his breath again. 

 

Kurt was ignoring him. Kurt was living his life. Kurt was drifting away. 

 

Breathing hurt. Kurt was the reason he breathed, the reason his heart beat. Maybe the breath holding had gotten out of control but it was the only thing he had. 

 

They were sitting in Glee when Marley jumped up, pulling a bashful Jake behind her. Blaine was exhausted and slightly lightheaded, slumped a little in his chair. 

 

"We have a song we want to sing," Marley smiled. "It’s from one of my favorite movies and we’ve been practicing."

 

"Before you judge, it’s actually a good movie…" Jake mumbled and Marley rolled her eyes. 

 

"Here we go!"

 

The soft opening notes of the piano made Blaine head snap up. The familiar song made his chest ache horribly and the familiar feeling of being breathless overwhelmed him.

 

"Never knew I could feel like this, like I’ve never seen the sky before."

 

_"I love this song," Kurt sighed when they were curled up on the couch together._

 

"Want to vanish inside your kiss, everyday I’m loving you more and more."

 

_"Me too," Blaine smiled._

 

"Seasons may change, winter to spring."

 

_"I imagine this as the song we do our first dance to."_

 

"But I love you."

 

_"I’m picturing the exact same thing."_

 

"Until my…Blaine?"

 

He was swaying in his seat, chest burning as his lungs made desperate attempts to gulp in air. Blaine could feel hands on his back and worried faces swarming around him.

 

"Breathe for us," Sam was slapping his back and he was bent forward. "Blaine!"

 

His body spasmed from lack of air for a moment before everything went black. When he woke up, he felt the familiar pounding in his head and looked around. Blaine was laying on a cot in the nurses office and he could see Sam playing on his phone next to him.

 

"Hey!" Sam smiled when he saw he was awake. 

 

"Hi."

 

"You scared the hell out of all of us," Sam scooted a little closer. "You just stopped breathing."

 

"I’m sorry," Blaine coughed weakly, rubbing at his forehead. 

 

"What happened?" 

 

"I think…I think I need help…" Blaine swallowed heavily.

 

"Okay," Sam nodded and reached forward to gently squeeze his arm. "We can get you help."


End file.
